I said that what I made it to my goals, I would let myself really splurge on things I really really like. For this goal it was a toss up between Sushi and this local BBQ shop that's PHENOMENAL!!! (It's called Shop's Open - located in the same parking lot as the liquor store right inside of Harrisburg. GO THERE and get some...it's AMAZING!!!) Anyway, when I got home tonight, my someone special had surprised me with Sushi and mixed veggies along with pecan pie for dessert!!!! I didn't go over board or anything, mostly because my stomach just won't hold the amount of food it used to be able to. But also because I recognize now how to interpret the food in front of me.
The first things I eat on the plate are the veggies. The stuff that I know contains the most nutritional bang for their buck. Fill my bell up with the best stuff, then as I feel myself getting full, indulge in the things that taste good but hold less nutritional weight. That way, there's less room for the not so great stuff to fit inside of my stomach. Smart eating!...or at least that's what I'm calling it! :D
It's been really nice to have so much support so far on my journey. And I wanted to take a moment to just say thank you to everyone who has offered support in one way or another. It feels a little like there's an amazing army of encouraging, uplifting, and cheering people behind me helping me up this mountain I've begun climbing. Your support is more valuable than I have words to explain. Thank you.
So,...now I've made it to my first goal...what's next? Well, pounds-wise my next big target goal is 50. And my yearly goal is to reach 80 pounds lost by my birthday in late November. At least by that point if I've lost close to 80, I'll feel just fine about indulging in a wonderfully home cooked Thanksgiving meal with the people I love most in this world. :D (forward thinking!!)
Mostly, my goal is to get healthier...to keep getting healthier. I'm really amazed at where I'm at so far. I looked back at the log of weigh in's I've been keeping, and I when I saw my Day 1 initial weight, I remembered what I felt like. I remembered how much I hated looking at myself. How I'd avoid mirrors or reflective windows. How I loathed the fact that people would even look at me. How I'd just eat whatever I wanted because 'it didn't really matter anyway.' How I just had sortof given up that that's how I was always going to be because that's how I always was.
I don't feel those things anymore...well, I still feel some of those things - but not as severely. And I've even taken to when seeing myself in an unflattering posture in the mirror or window, I just take it for what it is...it's just the me of right now...but I'm changing that. There's a quiet confidence that's developing with that mode of thinking that I haven't ever felt before...and I kindof dig it...I kindof dig it a lot.
My moods are better! My thinking seems clearer. I have more energy and more pep in my step. I feel accomplished after I've done my walking for the day. And I feel proud of myself. It was funny today because I was out doing my walk, and I got around the track as many times as I usually do,...but when I got to what would normally be the end of my walk I decided "I've got one more in me." And I set off around the track for one last time. As I rounded the last corner to walk up the biggest hill on the track for the last time today, the greatest of the great songs started playing on my iPod...
The song is all about making it up your mountain - whatever it is - and celebrating that you've done it. I'm not done climbing my mountain, but I'm over the first hill.
That's right folks...I fucking did it!!
